


To-do list after you elope

by gwendee



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Humor, Lying to your father in law, M/M, Post-Canon, Swearing, Those tags DO NOT go together, or do they
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29042871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwendee/pseuds/gwendee
Summary: “I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend.”Karma looks up from his work to stare at his husband. “What the fuck?”Karma and Gakushuu may have, possibly, maybe, forgotten to tell Gakuhou they've gotten married.Written for Karushuu Week 2021 on Tumblr!
Relationships: Akabane Karma/Asano Gakushuu
Comments: 35
Kudos: 301





	To-do list after you elope

**Author's Note:**

> We're in day 4 of [Karushuu Week!](https://karushuu--week.tumblr.com/post/639125461973254144/2021-prompts) Today's prompt is fake-dating.  
> I wrote this in - oh my, like an hour. I had different original ideas for this one as I was brainstorming but! This one crashed in my head last-minute and refused to leave. So.

**I'm too young to get murdered by my father-in-law**

“I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend.”

Karma looks up from his work to stare at his husband. “What the fuck?”

There’s not much expectation in the way of possible reactions that a person can give, if their spouse breaks their door down and asks them to fake-date. 

“Babe, what in the goddamn fuck” is a perfectly reasonable reaction, Gakushuu, I am not overreacting thank you very much, no need to look so offended at my curse words, we’ve been married for two years - and case in point, might I repeat, what the fuck?

“Listen,” Gakushuu says, face pained, and Karma was most definitely listening. He needed to hear everything about how Gakushuu landed himself in this mess. 

Gakushuu gives him a dirty look. “Stop giving me that look. I hate you.” But he doesn’t, really, because he married him.

“Come on, tell me what happened,” Karma says.

Gakushuu is frowning. He stays silent for a beat, and then two, and then Karma is concerned enough to scoot over to his husband and put his arms around him. “You okay?”

Gakushuu takes in a deep breath. “My dad’s coming over.”

“Oh,” Karma says, a little relieved that it’s not a life or death situation- wait.

“Your dad’s coming over?!” Karma gapes. “When?”

“In ten minutes.”

“IN TEN MINUTES-”

“I ran into him in the store for some fucking reason! I didn’t know he was- I’ve never seen that man grocery shop in his entire fucking life- he said he wanted to catch up and I said I was in a hurry to get home and he said that’s fine he’ll finish up his shopping and drive back behind me in his car and I tried to say we’re busy but you know how he gets and we never told him we eloped!”

“He still thinks we’re dating,” Karma says in horror. “Oh my god, he’s going to kill us.”

The Asano-Akabanes exchange horrified looks. 

Then they spring into action. 

Karma makes for the mantle above their fireplace, where they have rows of photographs on display, from their vacations to their honeymoons to their goddamn elopement wedding where they’re standing in a registry in their pyjamas-. 

“Gakushuu- the wedding pictures! Where do I-”

“I don’t know?! Just shove them somewhere?!” Gakushuu’s wrestling the giant painting - the joint mural done by class 3-E that has Asano-Akabane emblazoned in fancy calligraphy over it (it adds a great pop of color to their living room) - off the walls and behind the door of one of their upstairs guest rooms. 

“Should I lock our bedroom door?” Karma panics.

“No! He’ll think it’s suspicious!”

“But those stupid novelty pillows are there!” Mr. and Mrs., which he got for their first anniversary gift, which Rio agreed was  _ hilarious _ . In hindsight, right at this moment now, not so much. 

“He’ll probably think that’s a joke, right?” Gakushuu says, not sounding convinced. 

“Holy shit,” Karma says, “the study!”

No, there’s too many paraphernalia of their married life in their shared study to hide right now-

“No time!” Gakushuu shrieks. “Just lock it!”

The doorbell rings.

Gakushuu starts grabbing at his wrist and hands- “gimmie, gimmie them-” oh, the rings! Karma quickly tosses his wedding ring to Gakushuu, who absconds with them into the study, tosses them on a desk, and shuts the door.

Karma runs over with the study room key to lock it.

Gakushuu dashes to the front door. 

Karma hears a very strained and faux-pleasant, “father,” and winces.

He pokes his head out from the corner of the hallway, grinning so hard his cheeks hurt. “Hi, Gakuhou!”

“Ah, my son and his partner,” Gakuhou says, looking over their house curiously. “It’s been a while since we spoke. Thank you for inviting me over.”

Gakushuu’s back is facing him, but he hears Gakushuu says through gritted teeth, “no problem, sir.”

“No need to be so formal,” Gakuhou says absently, and he steps past Gakushuu to slowly observe his surroundings. “A nice place you two have here.”

Gakushuu stays silent.

“Thanks,” Karma says, perhaps a little too fake-brightly. His heart is still hammering in his chest from all that adrenaline just now. 

“Ah, I see you’ve kept my housewarming gift,” Gakuhou says, perhaps sounding - dare Karma say - fond? Looking over at the little ornamental tabletop zen stone garden that has become the centerpiece of their coffee table. 

“It was a nice gift,” Gakushuu mumbles, the tip of his ears turning red. 

Karma nods solemnly. It was, in fact, a nice gift.

“Oh?” Gakuhou says, sounding sharply surprised, and both Gakushuu and Karma’s heads snap up. “Are you two redecorating?”

“No,” Gakushuu says. “Why do you ask?”

“It looked like there was a picture here,” Gakuhou says, motioning to the blank space on the wall that had the wedding mural that was now, empty- ah, the layer of dust that settled around the outline of a picture, and the picture frame hanging hook smack dab in the center of that rectangle, was… pretty obvious.. 

Karma panics.

“We were thinking of replacing an old photograph there,” Gakushuu says smoothly, the ever-practiced liar. “I wouldn’t consider such a small change redecorating.”

“I see,” Gakuhou says, eyebrow raised at his son. Karma discreetly turns around to make sure the study door is still closed.

“I’m curious,” he continues, “what was the previous picture there?”

“Just an abstract art piece that we picked up,” Gakushuu waves a hand dismissively. “We figured it was time for a change of scenery.”

“Ah,” Gakuhou says, then, “who?”

“You wouldn’t know him,” Gakushuu says, and Karma sees the edges of panic on his dear husband’s face as well. “He’s… a friend. An aspiring artist who gifted a work as a show of goodwill and I didn’t see why we should say no.”

“How interesting,” Gakuhou hums, and he walks past Gakushuu to go be nosy.

From behind Gakuhou’s back, Gakushuu shoots him a look, and mouths, “help me!”

Karma shrugs and mouths back, “what the fuck do you want me to do?”

“Ah?” Gakuhou says again, immediately capturing their attention. He’s at the mantle, staring down at… the space where Karma snatched all the photo frames off, which must have similarly left dust markings.

“Ah, if you’ve told us you’d drop by much earlier we’d have cleaned this place up a little!” Karma says loudly, jumping in and running a hand over the dust prints (ew). Gakuhou makes a face at that. 

“Look at this - so dusty,” Karma laughs nervously, “why don’t you take a seat? I’ll get you some tea!”

“Wash your hands,” Gakuhou wrinkles his nose, but he meanders to the couch and away from the crime scene evidence, thank god.

Karma hurries to the kitchen to wash his hands and make some tea, and most importantly calm his racing heart. Gakuhou is a bloodhound, he can spot a racing pulse from a mile away and call him out on his lies. A human lie detector, if you will.

“Oh, Karma,” Gakushuu calls out loudly from the living room, “Ren just texted, he says that he’ll be running a little late so we can meet him at 6.30 for dinner instead.”

Karma glances at the clock. They don’t have a dinner appointment with Ren. 

“Ah, I hope he’s alright,” Karma says, sweeping in with three mugs of hot tea. “We’re meeting at his place, right?”

“Yes,” Gakushuu says, flashing him a brief relieved look. 

“Ah, Sakakibara, I wonder how he’s doing as well,” Gakuhou muses, taking a slow sip of the tea. 

“He’s doing perfectly fine, father,” Gakushuu says. 

“What are you two doing standing around?” Gakuhou says. “Sit down.”

Karma and Gakushuu quickly sit down.

“How have you boys been?” Gakuhou starts conversationally. “Good?”

“Great,” Karma says.

“That’s nice to hear,” Gakuhou nods. “You’ve been dating for… how long?”

Ah, shit. Who starts off with that question? Is he on to them, or is that a normal question to start with? Most parents ask something along the lines of when are you getting married, right?”

“Seven years,” Gakushuu says.

“Ah yes, since high school,” Gakuhou says. “That’s a very long time. When are you two planning on tying the knot?”

“We haven’t-” ”It hasn’t-”  They say at the same time. 

Karma and Gakushuu exchange awkward looks. 

They’re already married, but Karma is blushing talking about it. Gods. 

“You’re making an old man wait a long time,” Gakuhou says, which, ah, that seems like a normal conversation a father would have with his son and his long-time partner. Maybe Karma is overthinking this. Maybe Gakuhou is just here for a nice home visit and then they can kick him out in guise of going to Ren’s dinner so they can dodge the bullet-

“Remind me again when your anniversary is?”

Karma instinctively says “Fifteen-”

Gakushuu steps on his foot.

“First!” Karma blurts. “April. Our first date. Yes. Fifteen was… uh…”

“When we first had sex,” Gakushuu says, sounding very much like he’s pretending to reprimand Karma. “I told you not to keep telling people that date! You’re embarrassing!” 

Gakushuu’s face is so red, and he just lied about their wedding anniversary being their love-making anniversary and he has the nerve to call Karma embarrassing?

Across them, Gakuhou takes a slow sip of his tea. “Ah, young love.”

“Aww, Shuu,” Karma says very dramatically, “why wouldn’t I tell people about the time we-” 

Then it clicks for Karma and Gakushuu at the same time, that there is no reason for Gakuhou to ask for their anniversary unless he just wanted to watch them realize they’ve slipped up. 

They glance at each other, then at Gakuhou, who has now realize that they’ve realized. 

Gakuhou has dropped all pretenses and he looks  _ pissed _ . 

Despite regular appearances, Gakuhou does love Gakushuu very much, so Gakushuu had a chance of survival. Karma, on the other hand, is undeniably, irrevocably, deceased.

Karma quickly stands up. “I’m going to get more tea-”

“Sit down,” Gakuhou snaps.

Karma quickly sits back down.

Gakushuu opens his mouth. “Father-”

“You two got  _ married _ without telling me?!”

“What gave it away?” Karma wails, but the answer was everything. Literally everything gave it away.

The fact that Karma took away all the pictures on the mantle, but when the last time Gakuhou was here, they already had some pictures of their dates there. The both of them being terrible liars. Gakushuu for leading Gakuhou here into this situation in the first place. Them being unable to claim it’s only an engagement because Karma’s made it obvious they’ve had an anniversary.

Gakuhou slams the table, causing the little stone zen garden to rattle in fear. “The both of you brats have wedding ring tan lines on your hands!”

“Oh no,” Gakushuu mumbles, slinking in his seat.

“Yeah, oh-no is right,” Gakuhou says, pointing an accusing finger at the both of them, in the exact tone of voice that tells Karma that he’s going to give them a three hour lecture on truth, justice, and the importance of telling your father/father-in-law that you’ve eloped. 

“Don’t even bother asking Sakakibara to save you, you terrible little liar, you wouldn’t have bought take-out if you were going out for dinner.”

“Dammit,” Gakushuu says.

Karma slinks in his seat like a scolded student. Next to him, Gakushuu sighs, slumped over in defeat.

“Both of you!” Gakuhou rages. “How long?!”

Gakushuu says, “...”

“Akabane! Answer the question”

“Um...two years.”

“TWO  _ FUCKING  _ YEARS!-”

**Three hours later, when Karma and Gakushuu think the lecture is almost over**

**Gakuhou, on page 150 of his 200 page "teaching notes" script: aND ANOTHER THING-**

**Author's Note:**

> Oh... it looks like the prompt tomorrow is cat... hmmm....  
> yes I have already written that one at least and for those of you who know what's up... ;)


End file.
